To do it all, or not.
I was supposed to publish this yesterday. Am I a failure since I didn’t hold myself accountable to publish this on the day I intended? No. I am not. It’s done. I had to honor myself yesterday and get more rest. Hence, the content of my post holds true - sometimes we need to be doing, and sometimes, we need to be doing nothing at all.
So many of us do it all: wake, caffeinate, commute from bed to desk, work, socialize, meet demands of clients or bosses, try to find time for partnerships, friendships, and family, then, yawning, time for myself comes last. Sleep. Must try to squeeze out 8 hours. No, 6. I just binged that new Hulu series. Oh well, I’ll sleep more on Saturday. Live for the weekend! Work hard, play hard! Have those cocktails, eat the food, diet starts on Monday. These used to be my mottos. These ideas cause stress. We do it all, and the consequences drain our batteries. We set ourselves up to be exhausted, fueling a negative habit cycle. The question is: Do it all? Or…maybe not.
I also discuss “doing it all” with my students. Yes, you should maintain good grades so you are prepared and have options for your future, but also get some sleep, drink some water, text your friends, play video games or read (!), and please please please, try to go outside and get some sunshine! Fine, take pics for your Snapchat, but I swear, you really just need some vitamin D. Take the hoodie off. I know some people may stare at you - a teenager walking in the park, what a sight to behold! It’ll do you some good.
It seems the rat-race culture of doing-it-all comes with a price. People are more distracted than ever before, even though there’s room to argue distraction can be beneficial. One in five adults has mental health issues. We can’t seem to connect easily when we’re so consumed with constantly “doing” and being busy. Put down your phone! Look at me! Listen to me! See me! I feel this so much. I think you can relate, too. It’s hard to put down TikTok long enough to talk to the person in front of you, or watch The Last of Us on HBO for a whole hour. Your Apple Watch pings that you need to close a ring. Another bag of spinach rots in the fridge, a remnant of the long-abandoned salads you promised yourself you’d make this week. Let’s be real, grabbing Chipotle on the way home was easier (I like to order their bowls to make a salad and get chips on the side). Let’s also not forget about that elephant stomping on our heads…that we navigated a world-wide pandemic! I called it “the panini” when I needed a laugh. The last three years have been a rocky road of information and emotions. It has not been a smooth journey.
What is the cost of trying to do-it-all? Are we making ourselves sick? How do I maintain my mental and physical balance?
I ask myself these questions daily, as a little check-in to think about my wants and needs. I don’t want to just mirror society or compare myself to others without truly considering what brings me peace and joy. Yes, I need to make an income to live, but I’m realizing it’s okay to work differently than other people, it’s okay to try new paths or take new opportunities. It’s okay to admit when I need to slow down or decrease my mental load. I used to guilt trip myself. I always had to say YES and take every work opportunity or attend every social event. My mental and physical battery felt low. I did not put myself first. Now I have healthy boundaries. Do I really need to add another pair of workout leggings that are a DUPE for Lululemon to my Amazon cart just because I saw an influencer mom in New York post about them online? Maybe? No! I don’t need to have it all, or do it all, to feel good. My leggings that I am currently wearing to WFH on my sofa are just fine, thank you.
Instead of following what society thinks we should do, maybe we should tap into what we deeply know what we should be doing, for ourselves. This can be tough. We have to intentionally go inward to seek truth. Finding a balance involves thinking like a project manager or an economist or even a Buddhist. Risk-Management. Opportunity Cost. Or maybe you should just sit in silence. Choose The Middle Way. Do nothing.
For now, we will assess where we are, here and now, but also what needs to be done for tomorrow, so that we’re prepared. We need to establish a delicate balance, a yin and yang, what the ancient Greeks refer to as isorropia, or equanimity, as in Buddhist zen. Wake up and workout before you meet the world, but you can also enjoy a glass of wine or a brownie before dinner. Yes, you can work on that kitchen organization project for an hour, but you also want to sit down while no one’s home and scroll through The Atlantic. Do both. Do one. Or do nothing. Just do not guilt yourself.
So let’s get into the habit every day of asking: What do I absolutely need in order to survive? What can I absolutely not live without? What can I truly live without, but I may prefer to keep? Why do I want to keep this? Make a list of pros & cons. What am I contributing to my future/higher self? What do I want tomorrow to look like? What is holding me back from what I need to accomplish? What false/arbitrary limits do I believe in? What beliefs can I relearn and reteach myself to move forward in self-love and positivity?
I hope that by incorporating these questions into your daily life that you can begin to find harmony and access what belongs to you and only you - your truth. Good luck and may you find peace in the blessing of another day. And if you do end up going to Chipotle today, ask for extra lettuce. It won’t hurt you, I promise.